Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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