I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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