So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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