apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize