I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Girls should come with a carfax report
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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