What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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