you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
