So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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