9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm both gender and math confused
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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