these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
