Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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