Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
