I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
