True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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