I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
