i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
