She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
