We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
