If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
