Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
