I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
