did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
