I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
