im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
