i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
