What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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