So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
