She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
