Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
