I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
