I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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