i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
