What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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