the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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