great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
