So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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