We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
