drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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