Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry about my life...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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