I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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