I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize