i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
