I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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