i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize