I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
