Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
