We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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