I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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