lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
