i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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