if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
