There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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