I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
