Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
