party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
