yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
