don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Actions speak louder than pants.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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