I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
