I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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