Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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