their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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